she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize