So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I did not marry a roomba.
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