Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
