Just fell off a train. Bad.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
