i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
