Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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