My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
