I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
