Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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