A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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