Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
