yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
