Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My vagina is very pro this idea
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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