I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
