so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
