I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My life is pants optional.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
