How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
