"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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