No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
