Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
where am i from again
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize