You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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