i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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