Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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