I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
