On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We are all done wearing pants today
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
