Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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