So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
