I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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