I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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