Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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