I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
