I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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