Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize