My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
