I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
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did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
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He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
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