If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i think my mom watched the whole time
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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