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you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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