Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just invented taco cereal.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
