if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
