trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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