Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
