He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
