like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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