So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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