Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
