She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
