I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
