I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
