so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
