i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize