do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
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