if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
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