I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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