You're a womanizer and a bitch.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
