Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm sobbing to NWA
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
