Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
People in love make me want to vomit
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
