Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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