So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
