you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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