operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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