every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
All the doctor said was why
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
