i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Someone shattered a urinal.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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