I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
