His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just forgot I was standing up.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
