so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Bring me that man meat
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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