fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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