I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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