I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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