Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
