Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
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I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
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I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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