remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
