Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
