Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
