Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
