I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
it's great music for shaving your balls
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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