k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Sorry my hands just texted you
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
