I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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