first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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