never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
